Loveology

God's Design for Love: A Theology of Love

First, let's look at the core message of the book, a theology of love.

Comer starts with a simple, yet profound question: What is God's vision for love and relationships? It's easy to get caught up in what our culture says, or what feels good in the moment. But Comer argues that we need to go back to the beginning, to the very first story of love in the Bible, to understand God's original intent.

He paints a picture of Eden, where Adam and Eve were "naked and unashamed." This wasn't just about physical nakedness. It was about complete vulnerability, total trust, and a deep connection with each other and with God. But then, something happened. They chose their own way instead of God's, and that perfect harmony was shattered.

Comer isn't saying Adam and Eve were stupid or that we're somehow better. He's saying we all face the same choice. Will we trust God's design for love, or will we try to create our own? He points to Jesus as the ultimate example of love, a love that's both deeply emotional and incredibly active. It's a love that sacrifices, that serves, that puts others first. The book "Loveology" asks us to consider if our relationships are built on God's foundation.

Think about your own relationships. Are you building them on God's foundation, or on something else? Are you seeking that deep, vulnerable connection, or are you settling for something less? Comer in "Loveology" challenges us to listen to the voice of Jesus, to believe that God's way is the best way, even when it's difficult.

Ahava: The Spark of Attraction and the Journey of Love

Next, let's delve into the idea of *ahava*, or love at first sight.

Comer shares a personal story about the moment he first saw his wife, Tammy. It was at a party, and he was instantly captivated. He describes her as "a vision of long, curly black hair and deep, almond-shaped eyes." He was, in his own words, "hooked."

He's not saying that every relationship starts with this kind of instant spark. But he's highlighting the power of attraction, the initial pull that draws two people together. He calls it *ahava*, a Hebrew word for love. But he also acknowledges that lasting love requires more than just initial feelings. "Loveology" emphasizes that *ahava* is just the beginning.

He talks about the journey of his own marriage, the ups and downs, the days when they feel deeply "in love," and the days when they feel, well, other kinds of emotions. He emphasizes that they're *learning* to love each other in Jesus' way, a love that's shaped like a cross, a love that's willing to sacrifice. In the book "Loveology", Comer shares his personal experience.

Think about your own experiences with attraction. Have you ever felt that instant connection with someone? How did you navigate that? Comer's point in "Loveology" is that those initial feelings are important, but they're just the beginning. We need to cultivate a deeper, more resilient love, a love that can weather the storms of life.

Echad: The Interconnectedness of Body and Soul

Let's turn our attention to the concept of *echad*, and the relationship between our bodies and ourselves.

Comer tackles the modern idea that our bodies are just shells, that the "real you" is somehow separate from your physical self. He argues that this is a false dichotomy, that our bodies and our souls are interconnected. "Loveology" challenges the separation of body and soul.

He goes back to the creation story, where God formed Adam from the dust of the ground and breathed life into him. There's a beautiful wordplay in Hebrew here. Adam, the man, is made from the *adamah*, the ground. There's a deep connection between humanity and the earth. This connection is highlighted in "Loveology".

Comer emphasizes that we're not just spirits inhabiting bodies. We're embodied spirits. Our bodies are part of who we are, part of God's good creation. This has huge implications for how we view ourselves and how we view sexuality. "Loveology" stresses the importance of our embodied existence.

Think about how our culture often treats the body. On one hand, it's obsessed with body image, creating unrealistic standards of beauty. On the other hand, it often disconnects sex from its deeper meaning, treating it as just a physical act. Comer in "Loveology" argues that both of these extremes miss the point.

He challenges us to see our bodies as good, as gifts from God. He also challenges us to see sex as something sacred, something that's meant to be enjoyed within the context of a committed, loving relationship. It's not something to be ashamed of, nor is it something to be idolized. This perspective is central to "Loveology".

Practical Wisdom: Addressing Real-Life Questions on Love and Relationships

Now, let's move on to a fascinating part of the book, the Q&A section.

One question that comes up is about emotional boundaries in dating. Someone asks, "People always told me about the dangers of physical ties in a dating relationship, but no one warned me about the emotional dangers. What are some good boundaries or rules to help guard my heart emotionally in relationships before marriage?"

John Mark's answer? Pace. He emphasizes the importance of moving at the right speed in a relationship. He says, "Slow down. Take your time. Fools rush in." He also points out that the foundation of every healthy relationship is friendship. This advice is a key takeaway from "Loveology".

Tammy adds that it's okay to be vulnerable, but it's also important to be wise. She says, "I see people all the time who are so emotionally guarded that they won't let anybody in, and because of that, they end up alone. You can't live that way." "Loveology" encourages balanced vulnerability.

Another question deals with the difference between lust and attraction. The person asks, "When is it holy and pure to have strong desires for someone you are attracted to?"

Dr. Breshears answers this by distinguishing between a "first look" and a "second look." A first look is simply noticing that someone is attractive. That's natural and not sinful. A second look is when you dwell on that attraction, when you start to fantasize. That's where it crosses the line into lust. This distinction is discussed in "Loveology".

• Core Message: "Loveology" explores God's original design for love, sex, marriage, and relationships, contrasting it with cultural perspectives.
• Eden's Example: Adam and Eve's "naked and unashamed" state represents complete vulnerability and trust, a model for relationships.
• Choice and Consequence: We face the choice to follow God's design or our own, impacting relationship harmony.
• Jesus as the Ultimate Example: Jesus embodies a love that is both emotional and active, sacrificial and serving.
• Ahava (Love at First Sight): "Loveology" acknowledges the power of initial attraction, but emphasizes that lasting love requires more.
• Learning to Love: Love is a journey of learning to love in Jesus' way, a sacrificial, cross-shaped love.
• Echad (Oneness): "Loveology" refutes the mind-body separation, emphasizing the interconnectedness of body and soul.
• Embodied Spirits: We are not just spirits in bodies; our bodies are integral to who we are, part of God's good creation.
• Body Image and Sexuality: "Loveology" challenges cultural extremes, advocating for viewing bodies as gifts and sex as sacred within committed relationships.
• Q&A Section: Practical answers to real questions about love, relationships, and sex, with insights from John Mark Comer, Tammy Comer, and Dr. Gerry Breshears.
• Emotional Boundaries: Emphasizes pacing in relationships and building on a foundation of friendship.
• Lust vs. Attraction: Distinguishes between a "first look" (natural attraction) and a "second look" (dwelling and fantasizing).
• God's Design: "Loveology" asserts that God's design for love is not outdated but the key to lasting connection.
• Becoming: It's not just about finding "the one," but becoming someone who can love well, reflecting God's love.
• True Connection: "Loveology" encourages pursuing true connection rooted in God's heart, expressed through vulnerability, sacrifice, and commitment. Book: "Loveology".

• Individuals feeling lost or confused about love, relationships, and dating in the modern world.
• People seeking a deeper understanding of love from both a cultural and spiritual perspective.
• Those interested in exploring the intersection of faith, love, and relationships.
• Anyone wanting to learn about God's design for love, sex, marriage, and the relationship between men and women, as presented in "Loveology".
• Readers looking for guidance beyond typical dating manuals, seeking a theology of love.
• Individuals questioning cultural norms around love and seeking a foundation based on biblical principles, as discussed in "Loveology".
• People wanting to understand concepts like *ahava* (love at first sight) and *echad* (the interconnectedness of body and soul) within the context of relationships, a core concept of "Loveology".
• Those seeking practical advice on navigating relationships, including emotional boundaries and distinguishing between lust and attraction, all of which are addressed in the Q&A section of "Loveology".
• Individuals looking to build relationships on a foundation of friendship, vulnerability, and wise pacing.
• Anyone wanting to challenge their assumptions about love and relationships and align them with God's design, the central theme of "Loveology" by John Mark Comer.
• Readers interested in a perspective that views the body as good and sex as sacred within a committed relationship, as opposed to cultural extremes, which "Loveology" addresses.
• People who are seeking a lasting connection, and not quick or shallow relationships.

How does John Mark Comer in 'Loveology' redefine marriage through the concept of 'Kingdom Marriage'?

• Kingdom Marriage: Marriage is redefined as a commitment to shared purpose and spiritual growth, moving beyond traditional roles.
• Shared Mission: A practical example is couples jointly engaging in service or ministry, aligning their relationship with a higher calling.
• Spiritual Synergy: This fosters a deeper connection and sense of fulfillment, strengthening the bond through shared values and contribution.

What is the core message of 'Loveology' by John Mark Comer regarding 'Sacred Sexuality'?

• Sacred Sexuality: Sexuality is presented as a good and beautiful gift from God, intended for intimacy and connection within marriage.
• Mindful Intimacy: Couples can practice mindful intimacy, focusing on emotional and spiritual connection during physical intimacy.
• Emotional Bonding: This approach enhances emotional bonding and reduces the risk of objectification or disconnection.

In 'Loveology', how does John Mark Comer describe the importance of understanding God's 'Original Design' for love?

• Original Design: This refers to the original design for love and relationships as intended by God, free from distortion and brokenness.
• Empathy and Compassion: An example is practicing empathy and understanding, reflecting the compassionate nature of God's love.
• Healthy Communication: This fosters healthier communication and conflict resolution, leading to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

How does the concept of 'Trinitarian Love' apply to relationships, according to 'Loveology' by John Mark Comer?

• Trinitarian Love: The Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) serves as a model for relationships, emphasizing unity, love, and mutual submission.
• Mutual Respect: Couples can emulate this by prioritizing mutual respect, selfless love, and shared decision-making.
• Relational Harmony: This creates a balanced and harmonious relationship, reflecting the divine model of love.

What are the practical applications of 'Confronting Brokenness' as discussed in John Mark Comer's 'Loveology'?

• Confronting Brokenness: This involves honestly confronting and addressing the brokenness and sin that affect relationships.
• Honest Communication: Practically, this means engaging in open and honest communication, addressing issues with grace and forgiveness.
• Relational Healing: This leads to healing and restoration, allowing relationships to grow stronger and healthier.

How does 'Loveology' by John Mark Comer address the impact of 'Cultural Lies' on modern relationships?

• Cultural Lies: This refers to the lies and distortions about love and sexuality prevalent in contemporary culture.
• Challenging Self-Gratification: An example is challenging the idea that self-gratification is the primary goal of relationships.
• Biblical Alignment: This helps individuals align their relationships with a more biblical and fulfilling understanding of love.

According to 'Loveology', what role does 'Intentional Love' play in cultivating strong relationships, as per John Mark Comer?

• Intentional Love: This emphasizes the importance of intentionality and effort in building and maintaining healthy relationships.
• Dedicated Time: This can involve setting aside dedicated time for connection, practicing active listening, and expressing appreciation.
• Strengthened Connection: This fosters a deeper connection and strengthens the relationship over time.

How does John Mark Comer's 'Loveology' redefine 'Ultimate Fulfillment' in the context of love and relationships?

• Ultimate Fulfillment: This refers to the ultimate fulfillment and joy found in a relationship with God, which then overflows into human relationships.
• Gratitude and Guidance: Practicing gratitude for God's love and seeking His guidance in relationships exemplifies this.
• Secure Foundation: This creates a foundation of security and love, reducing anxiety and promoting healthy interdependence.